fridayblog

THIS WAS INSPIRED BY AN OLD ROOMMATE.

IT CAME VERY EASILY.

IT WAS VERY CLEAR THAT THIS WAS THE STORY TO BE TOLD.

EDUCATIONAL AND PRACTICAL.

THANK YOU.

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tellinglies

 

YEAH DIDN'T WRITE THIS ONE,

BUT REIMAGINED IT.

SOME WOULD SAY IT'S BETTER (MY MOM).

SOME WOULD HATE IT REGARDLESS.

A  FRIEND OF MINE TOLD ME THIS STORY.  HE HEARD IT FROM SOMEONE ELSE, WHO READ IT ON THE INTERNET...

YOU KNOW THE INTERNET?

IT'S A TOOL THAT GIVES A VOICE TO EVERYONE.

BECAUSE NOT EVERYONE HAD A UNIQUE VOICE BEFORE.

THE GENUISES.

THE IDIOTS.

THE ROBOTS.

BEFORE THE INTERNET, ALL ROBOTS SOUNDED THE SAME.

NOW THEY CORRESPOND WITH ME THROUGH EMAIL

WHILE MY FRIENDS SEND ME  ADS DISGUISED AS NEWS ARTICLES.

ADS THEY WILL BRING UP THE NEXT TIME I SEE THEM,

FAUX-FACTOIDS STARTING WITH "DID YOU KNOW..."

AND CONCLUDING WITH "I READ IT ON THE INTERNET..."

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standupguy

I DON'T EVEN REMEMBER THIS ONE.

READ IT AGAIN JUST NOW.

SHOULD RE-DO THE ENDING.

HINDSIGHT'S 20/20, RIGHT?

NEVER BE AFRAID TO GO BACK AND FIDDLE WITH STUFF YOU'VE FINISHED.

YOU KNOW, KIND OF LIKE THAT GEORGE LUCAS GUY.

I'M STILL HOPING HE ADDS IN NUDITY.

HOPING HE RE-EDITS THE ORIGINAL TRILOGY TO HAVE BREASTS AND PENISES.

IT WOULD BE THE FIRST MOVIE TO END LIFE ON EARTH.

IT WOULD GROSS SIX BILLION DEATHS.

HECK, I'M WILLING TO KILL SOMEONE RIGHT NOW JUST TO KEEP THINKING ABOUT IT.

WIPE THE WORLD CLEAN,

WHILE YOU STAND UP TO WIPE.

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heandher

 

experiments

THIS IS WHAT CONVERSATIONS SOUND LIKE.

WRITE DOWN WHAT PEOPLE SAY AND THEN DRAW IT OUT.

IT WILL LOOK LIKE THIS ONE.

IT WILL.

I THINK I'M GOING TO MAKE A SIMILAR ONE, BUT THE PEOPLE WILL TALK ABOUT SOMETHING COMPLETELY BORING.

SOMETHING LESS INTERESTING THAN A WENDY'S BACONATOR.

SOMETHING THAT DOESN'T HAVE BACON ON IT.

LIKE PHYSICS OR SOMETHING.  

A COMIC THAT IS AS BORING AS REAL LIFE.

THAT IS MY GOAL.

NO DOUBT IT'S BEEN ACHIEVED A FEW TIMES BY NOW.

GOTTA KEEP THE BLUE RIBBONS COMING.

NEED SOMETHING TO MAKE THE PARENTS PROUD.

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saddestdate

 A NIGHT OF DRINKING AND TRADING STORIES.  

SOMEONE TOLD A STORY THAT MADE ME WANT TO HAVE ANOTHER DRINK OR STOP DRINKING ALTOGETHER, I COULDN'T DECIDE.

IT WAS ODDLY POETIC, AND I DECIDED TO TAKE A CRACK AT IT AND RUIN HIS TALE.

I SPICED UP A FEW OF THE BORING PARTS. MADE THEM EVEN MORE BORING.

MORAL OF IT ALL: SOMETIMES IT'S HARD TO KEEP YOUR HEAD UNDER THE UMBRELLA.  GOT TO PEAK OUT AND SEE WHERE THE RAIN COMES FROM.

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eggs

 

THOUGHT DIDN'T OCCUR UNTIL AFTER FINISHING THIS ONE THAT PEOPLE STARE AT ME IN THE GROCERY STORE BECAUSE I'M A WEIRDO.

I THOUGHT MAYBE IT WAS BECAUSE I WAS THE ULTIMATE SHOPPER, MY FORM TOP-TIER, THE WAY I LEAN AND REACH AND INSPECT EXECUTED WITH ABSOLUTE DISCIPLINE.

BUT NO.

THEY STARE AT ME BECAUSE I STARE.

THEY LOOK AWAY BECAUSE I STARE.

THEN THEY LEAVE BECAUSE I STARE.

AND NOW ALL I SEE ARE SPACES ONCE OCCUPIED BY BODIES.

I CAN STEP INTO THESE SPACES AND STAND EXACTLY HOW THEY STOOD.

POSE HOW THEY POSED.

LOOK WHERE THEY LOOKED.  AND DO I SEE MYSELF STARING BACK?

I SEE THE SPACE WHERE I WAS STANDING.  NOW EMPTY.  EMPTIER THAN THE OTHERS.

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All pics shot using 8MP iSight Focus Pixels camera (gold version), and latest iOS 8.1.1 InstaG application Filter software.

 

pocket1

 “Pocket 1.”  8/1/14. Filter: Valencia

 pocket2

“Pocket 2.” 8/16/14. Filter: Lo-Fi

pocket3

 "Pocket 3.” 9/19/14. Filter: Kelvin

pocket4

 “Pocket 4. 9/28/14. Filter: Toaster

pocket5

 “Pocket 5.” 10/14/14. Filter: X-Pro II

pocket6

 “Pocket 6.” 10/28/14. Really like this one. Filter: No Filter.

pocket7

 "Pocket 7.” 11/1/14. Filter: Inkwell

pocket8

 “Pocket 8.” 11/10/14. Filter: Rise (my personal fav)

pocket9

 “Pocket 9.” 11/20/14. Filter: Rise

pocket10

 “Pocket 10.” Thanksgiving 2014. Filter: Valencia

Prints are available for purchase. Please check my Etsy page at www.etsy.com/iamnotagaymanbutiamwillingtotryanythingonce

- JB, prof. photog.

funnypapers

NOT REALLY SURE WHAT SPURRED THIS ONE.

WASN'T FEELING DOWN WHEN IT WAS DRAWN.

WASN'T FEELING UP EITHER.

PROBABLY WAS FEELING AVERAGE, WHICH SOUNDS MORE NEGATIVE THAN POSITIVE.

IF THEY ASK HOW YOUR DAY IS, AND YOU REPLY "AVERAGE," THEY'LL SAY "OH." NO NEED TO TALK ABOUT THE UNEVENTFUL, AND THEY'RE RIGHT.

TALK ONLY OF BAD OR GOOD. MIDDLE STUFF IS BORING UNLESS NABISCO'S INVOLVED.

NEED TO MAKE THINGS MORE DRAMATIC, CAPITALIZE MORE ON AWFUL AND AWESOME, OR MAYBE JUST AWESOME, LIKE A U.S. HISTORY TEXTBOOK.

WHEN THIS COMIC WAS DRAWN, MAYBE IT WAS MY HAND THAT WAS DEPRESSED.  PINKY FELT FORGOTTEN. MIDDLE FINGER WITH A SORE BACK.  RING FINGER HAD BAD CIRCULATION.

MAYBE MY INDEX FINGER DIDN'T GET THE POINT.

MAYBE MY THUMB WAS SORE.

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busride

A FRIEND OF MINE TOLD ME HE KNEW A GUY, AND HE WAS RIGHT, AS IT TURNS OUT.

THIS GUY HE KNEW TOLD ME HE KNEW SOME STORIES, AND HE WAS ALSO RIGHT, AS IT ALSO TURNS OUT.  HIS NAME IS "DAVE."  I SAY "IS" BECAUSE HE SEEMED LIKE A YOUNGER GUY AND IS PROBABLY STILL ALIVE. HE HAS SOME GOOD STUFF AND WITH HIS IMPRIMATUR I TOOK A FEW LIBERTIES.

YOU KNOW, I RODE PUBLIC TRANSPORTATION ONCE.  I WAS VERY SICK AND I WAS COUGHING WITHOUT COVERING MY MOUTH.  PEOPLE SAT NEXT TO ME ANYWAY. THEY DIDN'T REALLY HAVE A CHOICE. THE BUS WAS PACKED LIKE A CAN OF SARS. DESPITE MY FLU I WAS THE HEALTHIEST PERSON ON BOARD.

IT WAS RAINING CATS AND DOGS OUTSIDE, BUT WITH ALL THE PHLEGM SCRIEVING THROUGH THE AIR, IT WAS RAINING CATS AND DOGS INSIDE TOO.

THE MAN NEXT TO ME BRAGGED HE HAD A FEVER OF ONE HUNDRED AND FOUR THE NIGHT BEFORE.  WHEN WE REACHED HIS STOP, HE SHOOK MY HAND AND INTRODUCED HIMSELF AS HE LEFT. HIS NAME WAS "DAVE." I SAY "WAS" BECAUSE HE WAS OLD WITH A MEALY WATTLE AND BY NOW HE IS PROBABLY DEAD.

THAT'S TWO DAVES.

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graduationmoney

THIS COMIC IS COMPETELY FICTITIOUS. IT IS RIDICULOUS TO THINK I GRADUATED FROM ANYTHING.

FOR REAL, THOUGH: I ACTUALLY ALMOST DIDN'T GRADUATE FROM COLLEGE. ONLY REASON I DID IS BECAUSE A KIND PROFESSOR STUCK UP FOR ME.  TO SHOW HIM MY THANKS, I TOOK MY DEGREE AND FORGOT HIS NAME AND DIDN'T THINK OF HIM AGAIN UNTIL NOW.

SOMETIMES IT'S EASIER TO THANK A STRANGER HOLDING AN OPEN DOOR FOR YOU AT STARBUCKS THAN A PARENT WHO BATHED YOU AND NOURISHED YOU AND LOVES YOU STILL.  IN YOUR HEAD YOU MAKE A LIST OF THE PEOPLE YOU HAVE BEEN MEANING TO SPEAK WITH, TO THANK, AND A HAIR FALLS OUT FROM YOUR SCALP EVERY DAY YOU DELAY. THIS IS THE CAUSE OF PATTERN BALDNESS.  BALD IS IN THESE DAYS. LOTS OF GUYS SHAVE THEIR HEADS.  

STUDIES SAY PROCRASTINATION IS THE NUMBER ONE KILLER OF MEN, BUT REALLY IT'S PROBABLY A SADNESS THAT DOES US IN.  

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OFFICEHOURS

FIRST COMIC. INSPIRED BY CONSPIRINGS ON THE INTERNET, A SUMMATION OF MY FEELINGS AT THAT TIME AND MAYBE NOW STILL, DEPENDING ON HOW AWFULLY BORING WORK IS.

CAN YOU BELIEVE SOMEONE A LONG TIME AGO THOUGHT WORKING WAS A GOOD IDEA? THAT HUMANS WORK BEST IN CUBES? ISOLATING AND FREEZING US FROM EACH OTHER.

POUR IN SOME WATER AND THAT IS HOW YOU MAKE ICE,

NOT "EMPLOYEES OF THE MONTH" WHO RECEIVE "PATS ON THE BACK."  

OFFICE HOURS WON'T MAKE US HATE BUT WILL SUCK THE LIVING FROM US, LESSEN THE IMPACT THAT AN IMPROBABLE EXISTENCE ON EARTH SHOULD HAVE ON US,

UNTIL WE MELT BACK TO ROOM TEMPERATURE AND PUDDLE ONTO THE FLOOR.  HOW CUNNING MUST YOU BE TO ESCAPE?

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